She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
