i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
