I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
