she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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