Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
