I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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