I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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