there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
