you traded sex for a burrito?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize