All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
