paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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