I'm lost and stupid without you.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize