I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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