im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
