the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
