I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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