I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You ruined the universe
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
