see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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