next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
