I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
