I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
