yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
