dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
