He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
