Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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