Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
