youre lurking in front of me
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
