Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
