Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
