just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Randomize
