There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
