This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
