Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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