Yo dont text me then not text me
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
