two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
