I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
you are never too drunk for berry picking
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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