You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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