It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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