and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize