just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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