420 ftw
from now on my penis is your penis
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
