Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
