They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
