So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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