the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
