Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
