Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
