I would go down on you faster than GM stock
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
