he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
