I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
