Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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