Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize