he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
