If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
