forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
