PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
