I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize