Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
