Jerry, you need to find god
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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