So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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