I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
