so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
