dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
sarcasm needs its own font
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
