and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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