at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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