im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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