What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
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