It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
