By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
