wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
