My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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