Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize