I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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