How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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