its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
