WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
