I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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