if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
