What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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