I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
