Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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