last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
