I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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