Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
