Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
