Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
