i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
