drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You pole danced in your parka.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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