if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
