The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Everything about him screamed your future.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
and you fell through a lawn chair
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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