You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
