Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
