I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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