Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
