No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
