I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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