I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
