so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize