she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
