Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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