don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
