So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
operation harelip BJ is a go
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Randomize
