You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
