Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
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