My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
