I just cut my nipple shaving
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Come on in and take your pants off
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