An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm bleeding and have questions
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
