I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize