wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
