So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
