A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
ttyl tear gas
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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