I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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