i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
