let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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