It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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