sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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