I wish i was in the wii world.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
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