Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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